Bruce C. Zivley, Attorney at Law

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Why kids often feel that unhappy parents should embrace divorce

If you have kids and are either seeking a divorce or have recently finalized one, you likely have concerns about how your divorce is affecting and will affect your children. It is both normal and healthy that you are worried about your children’s wellbeing. However, there is good news to be had. Regardless of what your child custody arrangements look like, if you take excellent care of yourself and your kids, they may actually thank you one day for getting a divorce.

Studies confirm that most kids weather the stormy tides of divorce and emerge without suffering any long-term damage in comparison to kids whose parents do not get divorced. Of course, this can be a hard future to imagine when your kids are struggling in the wake of your decision to divorce. However, you should take heart that it is actually often parents’ decision to divorce that help kids turn out this way.

“How can that be?” you may ask. It is precisely because growing up in tension-filled and unhappy homes is actually often worse for kids than growing up in a divorced family is. Divorce is unquestionably stressful. But if parents work hard to make their homes happy and healthy again, the process itself can be far less stressful than endless fighting and tension can be.

Parents living in unhappy marriages may even start to habitually take their stress out on their kids. And even if they don’t, kids tend to understand that their parents are unhappy in their marriages, which provides poor modeling and increased reasons to feel stressed at home. Your divorce may seem incredibly challenging now. But it is ultimately an opportunity for you to make a healthier, happier home for you and your kids in the long-run.

Source: The Huffington Post, “5 Reasons Kids From Unhappy Homes Say It's Better To Divorce Than Stay Married,” Jan. 27, 2014

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