Bruce C. Zivley, Attorney at Law

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Mentally preparing for the divorce process

Your marriage is ending and you are unsure of how to process this news. This is a completely normal state of mind. When it becomes clear that divorce is in a person’s future, it may take significant time to see the present and future clearly through a thick haze of emotion. The truth of the matter is that you will need to prepare for the divorce process in a myriad of ways. You will need to prepare financially and physically. But perhaps most importantly, you will need to prepare mentally.

The ways in which you choose to approach your divorce are under your control. At a time when your emotions may feel out of control, your decisions about how behave either as a result of your emotions or in spite of them are squarely within your control. Each decision you make from this point forward may impact the outcome of your divorce settlement and your life beyond your marriage. As a result, it is important to prepare mentally in order to respond to your divorce in healthy and beneficial ways.

How can you prepare mentally for a process as daunting as divorce? First, seek out a support system. Counselors, supportive loved ones and online communities are good places to start building your support system. Second, take a deep breath. It is usually a poor idea to rush any divorce-related decision making unless you are in an abusive relationship. Take time to figure out what you really want out of the process and how to go about getting it.

Next, understand that you will find yourself in some awkward and truly uncomfortable situations in the coming months. Knowing that these situations are coming will help you prepare to handle them with grace. And finally, take excellent physical and emotional care of yourself. You no longer have someone by your side to carry some of your burdens. Take this news as an opportunity to take care of yourself because you absolutely need you to be at your best right now.

Source: Huffington Post, “36 Things I Wish Someone Told Me About Divorce,” Michele Zipp Nov. 19, 2013

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